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Susan’s Story

April 14, 2011

This story is originally from Miracle Foundation’s website. Miracle Foundation is a women’s de-addiction centre in Bangalore. You can read about it on their listing page. I hope this story is an encouragement!

Hello, my name is Susan and I’m an addict.

Living in a very religious family I always felt deprived and controlled. I was full of fear and became very angry when things didnt go my way. This behavior continued during my adolescent years.

In school I felt very inferior to everybody. I felt that I am not good enough to fit in anywhere and it made me feel miserable. I remember watching English movies where people were smoking and drinking and everybody is scared of them and slowly I started fantasizing about being a person like that so people would not make fun of me.

I started stealing coins at the age of 6 , it gave me a rush thinking that nobody knows about it. Stealing became a habit for me. When I went to class 6 I saw this group of girls who were very rebellious in the school, I wanted to be like them.

One day one of the girls came up to me and asked me if I wanted to hang out with them, I felt like at last somebody is giving importance to me, and I started behaving like them. I was a very curious little girl.

I bunked the class and went with them. I saw that they were sniffing glue. This was my first experience with inhalants. I was very excited and scared at the same time. I felt very hyper and started behaving rebellious. I got into a lot trouble at school, got suspended because of my behavior and my family got to know about it. They didn’t want to keep me in there.

They shifted me abroad , my behavior was still the same, I was bunking school, lying and stealing to continue my habits. After the tsunami incident my father wanted me back home, I hated change and I was moved around a lot and I felt like a puppet. I had no say in what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be.

When I came back I spent all my time lazing around at home and my dad finally put me in a job just to get me off the bed. This was where I started to using brown sugar and I loved the high.

I was from a wealthy and reputed family. For me money and scoring was never a problem. People would take me anywhere I wanted, get me my stash and take care of me. Things were very easy for me at first. As my disease progressed, my circle of friends consisted only of peddlers and highly addicted people. I started loosing weight and totally neglected my hygiene. I eventually fell sick.

By this time I felt like I was totally worthless and completely out of control. I would see my older friends doing well for themselves and would be very jealous of them, and I would be sitting there either scoring or turking. Things got out of hand very soon and my family decided to put me in a rehab.

I was admitted in a rehab in Hyderabad where I was not willing to do anything or listen to anyone. I was very arrogant and resentful towards my family for putting me in there. I had not progressed at all during my entire stay there and all I did was manipulated and plan my next score. I got shifted to Miracle Foundation. The rehab in Hyderbad believed they could not help me because of my dishonesty and close mindedness. When I arrived here I was more resentful, arrogant and very scared that people would finally find out who I am. The last thing my brother said before dropping me off was, Let people help you.

I was tired of playing games and being dishonest. I eventually started identifying with another addict and started listening to her. Even when I had made many mistakes, people kept telling that they had confidence in me and that I could do better. Things started changing for me and I slowly gave in.

In Miracle Foundation I did what was asked of me and followed instructions. I honestly started my step work again, got myself a sponsor and felt much better. In time I started helping out and taking up more and more responsibilities which made me feel worthwhile and trusted. I started doing things I never thought I was capable of doing. I saw a different side in me that I liked very much and which was not something projected upon me by my family or people back home. I became myself, on my own.

I finally had my life in my hands, that my life was not controlled by my family or drugs. I am very grateful to this place because it gave me hope which was something I never had. I have come a long way from where I started.

Today I confidently conduct sessions on awareness, help and guide other addicts just like me. I am happy where I am today and dont feel alone anymore.