How to Support a Loved One Who May Be at Risk of Suicide

Supporting a loved one who may be at risk of suicide is one of the most challenging situations you can face. It’s difficult to know when someone is struggling internally, and the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing can make it even more overwhelming. However, your support can be a crucial lifeline, offering hope and connection in moments of despair.

Suicide is often preventable, and recognising the warning signs, knowing how to start a conversation, and understanding the importance of professional help can make a significant difference. You don’t have to be an expert to support someone in need. Just being there can make a world of difference. 

In this blog, we’ll explore practical ways to help a loved one who may be at risk of suicide and how you can offer compassionate support without feeling helpless.

Recognising the Warning Signs

Understanding the warning signs of suicide is the first step in offering meaningful support. While it’s not always easy to know when someone is at risk, certain behaviors and changes can signal that your loved one may be struggling.

Common Warning Signs:

• Talking about wanting to die or expressing feelings of hopelessness. This can include statements like, “I can’t go on,” or “Life isn’t worth living.”
• Increased withdrawal from friends, family, or activities they once enjoyed. They may isolate themselves or avoid social interactions altogether.
• Dramatic mood changes, such as extreme sadness, irritability, or sudden calmness after a period of depression. Sometimes, a sudden improvement in mood can indicate they’ve made a decision to end their life.
• Giving away personal belongings or making arrangements as though they are preparing for a final goodbye.
• Increased use of alcohol or drugs as a way to cope with emotional pain or to escape feelings of despair.
• Engaging in reckless or dangerous behaviours, such as driving too fast, excessive risk-taking, or not caring about their safety.
• Changes in sleep patterns, including insomnia or oversleeping, may signal underlying mental health issues.
• Expressing feelings of being a burden to others or saying things like, “Everyone would be better off without me.”

Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues:

Some people may express their distress openly, while others might hide it behind seemingly minor behaviours. For instance, they might casually joke about death, or you may notice that they’re no longer as engaged in conversations as they used to be. Even subtle changes in appearance, such as neglecting personal hygiene or looking unusually exhausted, can be clues.

While these signs don’t always mean someone is planning to end their life. They indicate that your loved one is experiencing emotional pain that shouldn’t be ignored. It’s important to trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s worth checking in on them. Remember, not everyone shows obvious signs, but paying attention to changes in behaviour can help you catch those at risk.

How to Start a Conversation

Approaching a loved one you’re concerned about can feel intimidating, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like suicide. However, starting the conversation is a crucial step in offering support. The goal is not to have all the answers but to let them know they aren’t alone and that you care about what they’re going through.

Be Compassionate and Non-Judgmental

When starting the conversation, it’s essential to come from a place of compassion and empathy. Avoid sounding accusatory or dismissive, and focus on expressing concern without judgment. Keep your tone calm and open, as this will encourage them to feel safe enough to share their feelings.

Tips for Starting the Conversation:

• Choose the right time and place. Find a quiet, private setting where you can talk without distractions. Avoid bringing up the topic when they’re visibly upset or in a rush.
• Express your concern openly. Begin by sharing what you’ve noticed in their behaviour. You can say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawing from things you used to enjoy. I’m really concerned about you—can we talk about what’s going on?”
• Be direct but gentle. If you’re worried they may be considering suicide, it’s okay to ask directly but in a caring manner. For example, you could ask, “Are you feeling like you want to hurt yourself or end your life?” Asking about suicide won’t plant the idea in their mind—it actually opens up an opportunity for them to talk about what they’re feeling.
• Listen more than you speak. Once you’ve asked the question, give them the space to talk. Try not to interrupt, judge, or immediately offer solutions. Sometimes, just being heard is the most powerful support you can give.

Avoid These Pitfalls:

• Don’t minimise their feelings. Avoid phrases like, “It’s not that bad” or “Other people have it worse.” Their pain is real, and comparing it to others can make them feel dismissed.
• Don’t jump to fixing the problem. While it’s natural to want to help, trying to “fix” things too quickly can come across as dismissive. Instead, focus on understanding what they’re going through.

Dispelling Myths About Talking About Suicide

One common myth is that asking someone about suicide might encourage them to consider it. In reality, research shows that talking openly about suicide can actually reduce the risk. It provides a sense of relief for the person to know someone cares and isn’t afraid to tackle the hard conversation. Let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do and that you’re here to support them, no matter what.

Listening Without Judgment

Once you’ve started the conversation, the most important thing you can do is listen, really listen without judgment. When someone is at risk of suicide, they may feel isolated, misunderstood, or as though their pain isn’t taken seriously. By listening with empathy, you can create a safe space where they feel supported and understood.

Active Listening:

Active listening is about focusing entirely on the person speaking, showing that you’re engaged in what they’re saying without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Here’s how you can practice it:

• Give them your full attention. Put away your phone, maintain eye contact, and be fully present in the moment. Let them see that you’re there for them.
• Show empathy with your body language. Nod occasionally, lean slightly forward, and maintain an open posture. These small actions signal that you’re listening and care about what they have to say.
• Use verbal cues. Simple phrases like “I understand” or “That sounds really hard” can reassure them that you’re following along and validating their emotions.
• Don’t think about what you’re going to say next. Often when talking to people, you may find yourself trying to think of the best response and this may cause you to not focus on what they’re saying.

Validate Their Feelings:

Avoid jumping in to offer advice or solutions right away. Your role is to acknowledge their pain, even if it’s uncomfortable for you. If they share thoughts of hopelessness or despair, respond with understanding rather than trying to convince them things aren’t that bad. Saying something like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here to listen” goes a long way in showing you’re on their side.

Avoid Judgmental Responses:

It can be easy to unintentionally minimize their feelings with well-meaning comments like:

• “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
• “Things will get better.”
• “You’re being dramatic.”

While these statements may seem helpful, they can come across as dismissive or judgmental. Instead, focus on understanding their experience without offering quick fixes. For example, you can say, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Let’s talk more about what’s been happening.”

Don’t Interrupt or Rush the Conversation:

Let them express their thoughts and emotions fully before you respond. It’s okay if there are pauses in the conversation. Sometimes it takes time for someone to gather their thoughts and speak openly about something as serious as suicide. By allowing them the space to share at their own pace, you show respect for what they’re going through.

Respect Their Emotions:

Remember, your loved one might be feeling deep despair, anger, or fear. Even if their feelings seem extreme or irrational to you, they are very real to them. Avoid dismissing their emotions as overreactions, and instead, validate their right to feel the way they do. Compassionate listening can be incredibly healing, even when you don’t have all the answers.

Encouraging Professional Help

While offering your support is vital, it’s equally important to help your loved one understand that professional help is often necessary when they are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Mental health professionals are trained to provide the guidance, tools, and treatments that can make a lasting difference in their recovery. However, taking that first step can be difficult for someone in distress, so your encouragement can play a key role.

Normalise Seeking Help:

One of the biggest barriers to getting help is the stigma surrounding mental health. You can help by normalising therapy and counselling. Reassure your loved one that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step toward healing. You might say something like, “Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can make a big difference. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Offer Specific Resource

Sometimes, people in crisis don’t know where to start when looking for help. You can assist by providing them with specific resources, such as:

• Counsellors or therapists in their area or offering to help them research professionals who specialise in treating suicidal thoughts or depression.
• Suicide prevention helplines they can call or text when they’re in immediate distress. For example, in India, the KIRAN mental health helpline (1800-599-0019) or iCALL (9152987821) can be lifesaving resources.
• Online therapy platforms if they’re more comfortable with remote help, which can offer anonymity and convenience. 
• You can also present the option of residential care. You can browse treatment centers across India here.

Reassure Them It’s Okay to Keep Trying:

If they’ve had a negative experience with therapy in the past or feel uncertain about its effectiveness, encourage them not to give up. Remind them that finding the right therapist or treatment plan may take time. You might say, “Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right person or approach that works for you, but it’s worth sticking with it. You deserve the help.”

Creating a Safety Plan

A safety plan is a crucial tool for someone at risk of suicide, as it helps them recognize warning signs, identify coping strategies, and connect with support in moments of crisis. By helping your loved one create a personalized safety plan, you’re empowering them to manage their emotions and thoughts when they feel overwhelmed. The goal is to provide a structured, step-by-step approach to reduce the risk of harm and offer a sense of control during difficult times.

1. Identify Warning Signs

You can ask them, “What are the signs that things are getting tough for you? What do you usually notice when you start feeling overwhelmed?”

2. List Coping Strategies

Work with them to brainstorm healthy, manageable coping strategies they can use when they start feeling at risk. These strategies might include:

• Distraction techniques, such as listening to music, going for a walk, or watching a comforting show.
• Relaxation methods, like deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, or journaling.
• Physical activities, like stretching or light exercise, which can help release tension and improve mood.

3. Identify Supportive People to Contact

Help your loved one create a list of people they trust who can offer emotional support when they’re struggling. This could include family members, close friends, or mentors. Encourage them to be honest with these people about what they’re going through so they’ll feel more comfortable reaching out during tough moments. 

4. Remove or Limit Access to Harmful Items

To help reduce the immediate risk of harm, it’s important to work together to limit access to dangerous items. Encourage them to keep this plan in a visible and accessible place—whether on their phone or written out—and to revisit it regularly to ensure it’s still relevant and helpful.

Conclusion

Supporting a loved one who may be at risk of suicide is a delicate and deeply compassionate act. While it can feel overwhelming at times, you don’t need to have all the answers. What truly matters is showing up, listening without judgment, and encouraging them to seek professional help. By recognizing the warning signs, starting a conversation, and working together to create a safety plan, you can offer a sense of hope and stability when they need it most.

Remember, you’re not alone in this either. Reach out to mental health professionals or support groups for guidance and resources to help you support your loved one effectively. Your empathy, patience, and persistence can make a life-saving difference. Just by being there, you’re helping them take the first steps toward healing.